I swear if the world does not burst into flames this year and the sky doesn’t cloud with locusts and the Chinese don’t bomb the shit out of the heartland and if Angelina Jolie does not ride naked and pregnant on an 8-headed lion with wings and Jesus Christ doesn’t appear floating in the sky with his arms open to welcome all the Republicans who just got sucked out of their cars up into his embrace – if all that does not happen on May 21, 2011, I will never again listen to any prophecies for the rest of my time here with you.  I’m serious. I have spent my entire frickin’ life expecting supernatural star spangled annihilation and a prison planet and all I got was this orange “War on Terror” t-Shirt and a machine that scans my nuts at the airport.

Beast (photo © Beast)

Street artist Beast put up his/her own series of billboards in Los Angeles last week.  In this case, we can actually say that we are seeing the Signs of the Beast. He used the back of 25 bus shelter benches, which usually advertise nasal decongestants and accident lawyers 800 numbers, to bring an uplifting message of impending pestilence and catastrophe and unemployment.  Times are so bad that superheroes are trying to cut in line at the job fair.

Beast (photo © Beast)

You know, we spent $3 Trillion on something over the past 10 years with this war machine, surely someone could start up a World War to give these spandexed and bedazzled folks some work.  Although I don’t see too many people carrying resumes in hand here, so they could also use some career coaching.

Beast (photo © Beast) This dude will face some stiff competition to snag a position with that crowd ahead of him. Hang in there buddy, Jesus is on his way.

Beast (photo © Beast)

Beast (photo © Beast). All 25 benches. Same message, different spots.